If God has asked you to be faithful in a difficult marriage, then this is the blog for you!

You’re Not Lying You’re Just Not Talking

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A key element in fighting for my marriage and family was keeping my mouth shut.

I have mentioned this several times but when I was in the middle of our battle I picked 5 people to tell everything to. Our Pastors, my counselor, and two friends. I checked in with these people on a very consistent basis. At least once a week but usually more. It was all very deliberate and on purpose!

What I am writing about today is what I told everyone else. Although this might have frustrated some people it was something in my heart I knew was important! I began to realize the more I talked about my dead marriage the worse I felt. It was like peace would leave my body. Not talking about it helped me stay the course.


At the very beginning before everyone knew our situation I for the most part didn’t say anything.

I didn’t even tell my family the first year. God specifically told me not to tell them. I did not tell my family until Darin moved out the first time.

When it became apparent our marriage was struggling because we were never together concerned people began to ask me about it.

This is what I would say:

It is not going well but I am believing for a miracle! Please keep praying for us!

It was a deliberate on purpose confession!

In my heart I would say, ” Oh you wait and see what God does for me!”

I remember a specific time when I was at a party with a bunch of awesome friends I went to Bible College with. Going to parties sucks when your in the middle of this kind of battle. You want your spouse to be there with you and they aren’t. You see all your other friends with their spouses having fun and oh boy it sucks!!! One of my dear friends asked me how it was going. I said, I am believing for a miracle! It’s not good but I am believing God is going to help us!!! Then I moved on to talk with someone else. This one thing I did shut down a lot of drama and in the end protected Darin.

Listen to this awesome verse! Oh it is so so good!!! Like precious food to the hungry desperate soul!

Isaiah 50:7  

Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore have I set my face like a flint and I know I will not be put to shame.

You can’t set your face like a flint if you are constantly talking, hashing over, explaining and ultimately defending your position! I quickly learned this is what I ended up having to do when well meaning people would ask me about it. I had to defend why I was believing for my marriage! You do not have to defend your stance!!! In the end God will defend you! Easier said than done I know but if you don’t talk you don’t have to explain yourself!

Let’s face it I am looking pretty smart about right now! But I promise you I didn’t look to smart in the middle of it. I looked like I was in denial and crazy.

 A question I get a lot is:

If I don’t tell people am I living a lie?

The Bible says in I Corinthians 13 that Love ALWAYS protects!  Telling people, even concerned people, people you normally share things with is ultimately not protecting your spouse!

Awhile back our Pastor spoke about Esther. Do you know that Esther kept the fact that she was Jewish a secret. She was living a lie. Had she let the ‘cat out of the bag’ the story of her life and many others lives would have turned out differently! It’s okay to protect your spouse by not talking. It’s Bible.

You’re not lying, you’re just not talking.

We are praying! May God give you the grace and power to set your face like a flint and have the confidence that you will not be put to shame! We are praying that our story will be your story. Oh God let it be.



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