A man’s wisdom gives him patience;
It is to his glory to overlook an offense.
Sometimes when you are walking through very deep waters the things your spouse does embarrass you. You know people are looking on and wondering, does she see this… does he see this? Of course I saw a lot but I would act as if I didn’t see or hear it especially in public settings.
I remember Darin was so troubled when he would come visit me on the weekends. He would reluctantly go to church to be with Macy but he was there in body only and not in his heart. Because of this he would not participate in worship which was not normal for him and was very sarcastic, just not the Darin I married. Verses like this one gave me the strength to just sit tight and trust God was working behind the scenes for me and for us.
While God was working on Darin’s heart he was also working on my heart. Changing my priorities.
I remember a couple weeks after we got to Michigan we were asked to go to a “laugh your way through marriage” conference that was being held at our church. I actually called a counselor to make sure going would not make it worse for us. Sometimes marriage conferences depending on how severe your issues are can do more harm than good. We ended up going. At the very end of the conference they have couples all over the room stand up and face each other. Each couple is given a piece of paper with a pre-written letter on it, a letter that is written by the “laugh your way through marriage” ministry. It is a letter asking forgiveness for not being the kind of spouse God wants them to be, not being faithful, loving, and supportive, ect. It is a full page letter. Anyway Darin and I stand there looking at each other and he starts reading the letter first. As he reads and gets to the 2nd sentence my eyes start welling up with tears, he then leans over and whispers in my ear, “I can’t do this Julie, if I’m going to say these things to you they are going to be from my heart not because someone told me to say them. So I stood there listening to all the other husbands reading out loud. Then it was my turn to read the same letter to Darin. I too get to the 2nd sentence and in my head I’m thinking this letter does not pertain to me. I have been so faithful! As I’m thinking this Darin leans down and whispers in my ear “you have done none of those things Julie.” I too stopped reading the letter. The two of us stood silent in this big room as the wives read the letter to their husbands.
I will never forget Darin leaning down and whispering in my ear telling me I had done none of those things. Never will I forget! As crazy as this sounds unless you have walked through similar waters it was one of the most meaningful things he has ever said to me. It was even romantic in a strange way. Real romance. If that very scene would have happened 4 years prior I would have missed it…completely and totally missed it!
Before I had walked through such terrible waters this would have embarrassed me. I would have wondered and cared way too much if people noticed we were not doing what the leader told us to do. I would have really been bothered and concerned if the leader noticed we were not doing what they asked. By the time we got to Michigan I had become a different person.
We are praying for you dear friends that are in the middle of really really hard things.