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Me Say Sorry… but I’m Perfect

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‘Perfect’ People Have to Apologize Too

Why is apologizing so difficult for me? Admitting I was wrong to say or do certain things is so hard for me to do. Especially difficult to do without adding a ‘but’ on the end. I was just talking to a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago and she said adding ‘but’ automatically shifts the blame to the other person. If I would just say sorry and nothing else the conversation would be over. I have done this to Darin zillions of times. Let me give you an example of what happened just a couple of weeks ago.

The Sitch

When I launched this blog two months ago Darin had to leave town for work for several weeks. I was able to devout enormous amounts of time to this blog because it was just Macy and I around the house. I could let things go and stop normal life for a bit. I was having a great time doing it too!

When Darin got home he noticed my  lack of enthusiasm toward the mundane things of keeping a house. Like laundry for example. While he was gone I was perfectly happy digging through stacks of clothes. I even moved the pile from the living room to the basement. When we needed anything we had to run all the way downstairs to get it. This was really frustrating to Darin.

Instead of saying your right let me get on it since the pile has been sitting there for literally 6 weeks I laughed it off and said other things that were unrelated and not necessary, shifting the blame to him instead of taking responsibility for it. I was being a very good example of what the Bible calls a ‘chattering fool’. Other things became more important than laundry. I said mean things and made excuses! Why is it so hard for me to just say sorry? Why do I feel so compelled to give excuses which creates more hurt, why don’t I just say it, shut-up, and stop talking!

The other day while I was finally folding the clothes with a bad attitude I felt the Holy Spirit remind me of how for so long I desperately wanted Darin to do the things for me that I thought were important. For example when he leaves town for work I love it when he brings back presents for Macy and I. I absolutely love it! He always picks out perfect things for us. It means so much to me! This may seem insignificant to some of you but it is a HUGE deal to me. This is something that he has really worked on in our marriage and it was not always easy for him but he has become very good at. Getting me gifts shows me that Darin loves me.

Finding the Love

For Darin me folding the clothes shows him that I love him and that is so hard for me to accept. Not doing the laundry tells him that he’s not important to me. Everything inside of me wants to do what I think is important and it is not folding clothes! I’d rather work on this blog. I’d rather work on this blog and help marriages instead of folding a pile of laundry which actually helps my marriage. Crazy isn’t it!

Apologizing is like a little bridge that your standing at and thinking to your self all I have to do is say I’m sorry you were right or will you forgive me for such and such to get over to the other side but those words are hard for me to say. I even started to text him that I was sorry and quickly erased it instead of sending it because of my pride.

Because of my attitude and inability to apologize correctly it took us about three days to work through this. I could tell he was still hurt and I was feeling like crap inside. When I talked to him about it he said look I didn’t want to say anything because I am so proud of what your doing with this blog but don’t forget about me and don’t forget about Macy.

Darin used to hide what he felt about certain things and he doesn’t do that now. This is a very good thing. But… I have to continue to change too. God is showing me that by giving excuses I am really saying to Darin I’m a perfect person and the only reason I wasn’t perfect in that moment is because you are not perfect. It is self-righteous and reminds me of the Pharisees.

So Who is Perfect

I was thinking the other night that Jesus is the only person that never had to apologize when he walked this earth. So since I’m not Him I have to learn to apologize and constantly keep my self in check and most importantly allow Darin to keep me in check.

Darin said I didn’t want to have to keep you from going too crazy with this blog but I guess I have to.  I said, “I guess you do.” Darin is the perfect man for me isn’t he?

Proverbs 10:6-32 says this perfectly.

Blessings crown the head of the righteous,
but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked.

The name of the righteous is used in blessings,
but the name of the wicked will rot.

The wise in heart accept commands,
but a chattering fool comes to ruin.

Whoever walks in integrity walks securely,
but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.

Whoever winks maliciously causes grief,
and a chattering fool comes to ruin.

The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life,
but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.

Hatred stirs up conflict,
but love covers over all wrongs.

Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning,
but a rod is for the back of one who has no sense.

The wise store up knowledge,
but the mouth of a fool invites ruin.

The wealth of the rich is their fortified city,
but poverty is the ruin of the poor.

The wages of the righteous is life,
but the earnings of the wicked are sin and death.

Whoever heeds discipline shows the way to life,
but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.

Whoever conceals hatred with lying lips
and spreads slander is a fool.

Sin is not ended by multiplying words,
but the prudent hold their tongues.

The tongue of the righteous is choice silver,
but the heart of the wicked is of little value.

The lips of the righteous nourish many,
but fools die for lack of sense.

The blessing of the LORD brings wealth,
without painful toil for it.

A fool finds pleasure in wicked schemes,
but a person of understanding delights in wisdom.

What the wicked dread will overtake them;
what the righteous desire will be granted.

When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone,
but the righteous stand firm forever.

As vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes,
so are sluggards to those who send them.

The fear of the LORD adds length to life,
but the years of the wicked are cut short.

The prospect of the righteous is joy,
but the hopes of the wicked come to nothing.

The way of the LORD is a refuge for the blameless,
but it is the ruin of those who do evil.

The righteous will never be uprooted,
but the wicked will not remain in the land.

From the mouth of the righteous comes the fruit of wisdom,
but a perverse tongue will be silenced.

The lips of the righteous know what finds favor,
but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse.

I’m Learning

So what is more spiritual? Writing this blog or folding the laundry? For me today it is folding the laundry tomorrow it will be something else that no-one will see. What has more eternal significance? The Blog or me actually changing? For me it is changing, changing for my spouse so that we can please God and hopefully be a voice that changes marriages. So I will purpose in my heart to start apologizing without the ‘but’ and become good at laundry like so many people I know.

While typing this last part of the blog I can hear Macy in the background kicking a golf ball around. I just heard it crash down from what sounds like a very high point in our house. I heard her yell out and say, “it was the golf ball Mom!” Yikes! She’s learning too!

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