I remember the day we received the news that moving out of state was possibly in our future. Darin had finally got the job he had been trying to get for 2 1/2 years. He had been denied twice but when he moved back home he miraculously got the call. This was a uneasy time for me. It meant Darin would be leaving again for sure. This time it was to Montana which was even farther away. He had been living at home now for about 4 or 5 months. The reason it was so difficult is although Darin was putting forth effort toward reconciliation between us we still did not know what our future would hold. We continued to go to counseling but still had a lot to work through. He still needed some major healing in his heart. This healing did not have a whole lot to do with me. He knew this then but regardless he needed healing.
I had tremendous support in Tillamook. Amazing family, amazing church, a great business with an awesome team of women that worked with me and many customers that had become dear friends to me over the years. To move would mean we would have to find a new church which is not always easy and even more difficult find a good counselor. Although I would miss many of my friends and clients I had an incredible team that could take over my business and thankfully I can do Aflac anywhere so I tried my best not to worry about that. Lastly, I had to accept the fact that Darin and Macy had to become my only priority and ministry.
We had been talking with our counselor regarding the possible job offer and I was not happy about it in any way. I was kicking and screaming inside my head and heart. It was very difficult for me to be to thrilled about it because of our history. Thinking how could this be God. How could it be! Our counselor kept telling me she thought this could be a good thing for us and I should be open and pray about it. I refused to talk to Darin about it which really hurt him. In our counseling appointment Darin said you hate the fact that I want this job. I said I don’t hate it I’m just not happy about it. I said how do you know how I feel anyway I don’t say anything to you about it. He said its your silence that is telling me how much you hate it. I had not yet been given the book Love and Respect. This book eventually helped adjust my perspective on many marriage issues regarding men and their need for respect.
How can leaving everything that was keeping me sane be God. How could leaving my family and people that love us be ok. How could never leading worship again be a good thing. How could leaving my business that I built up for almost 10 years be smart.
An hour after we got that infamous call Darin and I were in the living room in a bit of a daze and my mom came by unannounced to give us a gift. She had no idea what had just transpired but she stopped by with this present she bought for us at the local market. It was a small statue of a father and mother standing together with their little girl. She said she just knew she had to get it for us and bring it by. My mom told me later that she felt that the statue meant no matter what happened between us Macy would always have parents that loved her. That statue gave me hope.
I did not know or understand at the time but I was about ready to learn exactly what these verses meant.
Isaiah 55:8-9
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.