Darin is still working on the rest of his testimony so I will post it as soon as he writes. I can’t even tell you how grateful I am that he is writing. I am so proud to be his wife!
I don’t know what it is about going to counseling that is so difficult but it always is for some reason or another.
Several months ago I went for some things I had been really struggling with. I set the appointment and it took three weeks. That is how long I had to wait to get in to see our counselor. So then I had to get a babysitter for Macy and Sky. Check, got that taken care of, until our babysitter texted me with plenty of time to find someone else, at least I thought. Ten to fifteen calls later the only person that was able to help me out, that I felt comfortable with, was a friend that lives 40 minutes away the opposite direction. I decided although she was willing to help me out I just couldn’t put more on her. So my appointment was at five. We live 1 hour away so knowing this I call the school, pick up Macy at 2:30, get gas, go through a drive through, and then by 3:15 we were on our way with plenty of time to spare. Darin was working near by the counselors office at the Coast Guard station so out of desperation I took the gamble that he would not be on the water and headed toward the station to see if he could take a brake and watch the girls. Ten minutes before I got to the station Darin called and asked where I was and I said I’m 10 minutes away from you. Fortunately he was not on the water and was able to take his dinner break with the girls. On my way I figured if Darin was on the water I would just bring the girls with me. Macy could sit in the hallway and play with my phone and well I didn’t know what I was going to do with Sky. But I was desperate to talk to our counselor!
I was desperate because of this:
For as long as I can remember I always think there is someone that is mad at me or disappointed in something I’m doing. Writing this blog has intensified these feelings! I’m always asking Darin do you think so and so is mad at me…do you think that person is mad at me and oh I am sick of it!!! Darin is sick of it too!!!! I need breakthrough and the only way I know to get breakthrough is to go ask for help!
I am sick of feeling that gnawing, yucky, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that comes over me all the time! Just sick of it!!!
As I sat in the chair across our counselor and took a big sigh of relief that I actually made it there with 10 minutes to spare without the girls I said to Steve Oh boy you have no idea what I just went through to get here! He laughed and said you know its spiritual warfare don’t you? I said yes I do! Steve said if you did not know that you probably would give up on getting here and I said how true that is.
I am telling you all this to say:
Some things require more than just perseverence to overcome
Some things you can’t make happen
Now matter how hard you try
Or how perfect you think you are being
Some things you just can’t patience and self-control them into existence
Darin and I have both found that
Somethings require professional help to overcome, they just do!
I wish it wasn’t the case!
The Bible says in Proverbs 24 that to wage war you need many advisors
Counseling is beyond inconvenient
Especially good counseling
The devil knows this
And he doesn’t want you to get there either
You have to remember this also
If you get divorced
Figuring out what weekend you now get the kids
Is also very inconvienient
It is interesting to note that
Our lawyer in Tillamook
Was literally 7 blocks away
We could ride our bikes there
If we needed too
I know it is not what you want to spend your time doing
But it is worth it
You have to ask yourself this question
How bad do I want it?
If you do not chase hard, hard will chase after you!