I remembered a dream I had on our honeymoon. This dream begins to explain what the problem was in Darin and I’s marriage.
I had this dream when we were on our honeymoon In Cobos San Lucas. This was another significant dream that I remember vividly.
I dreamed that I was getting ready to get married only I wasn’t marrying Darin I was marrying someone else. In my dream I didn’t recognize who it was but I remember he was a guy with light colored hair. I was having severe reservations about it. Still remember those feelings of desperation in my dream. I did not know what to do. I was about to walk down the isle and knew I didn’t love this guy. In my dream I said what am I going to do? Then I thought I know I will ask Darin he is my best friend and he will know exactly what to do. I had such feelings of relief after that thought came to me in my dream. Minutes later I awoke and reached over and touched Darin and realized it was only a dream and I did marry my best friend. Enormous relief filled my heart.
In the beginning Darin and I had very different feelings regarding our relationship and our marriage. Two years into it when he told me what was going on in his heart of hearts my heart broke.
It wasn’t that Darin was gay, loved someone else, or had a severe porn addiction. He is a very normal guy with normal struggles but he just did not have the feelings of love and attraction toward me. It was a heart problem. If you have ever been in this situation you know it is absolutely heart breaking for both people involved.
These feelings caused deep sorrow for both of us. It began Darin on a journey to learn how to have feelings for me. Little did he know how much he would have to endure or how much I would also have to endure.
This was the beginning of my journey in understanding what this verse means.
The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD;
he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.