Get me some morphine!

What is Amazing Grace?

Darin and I were married a little over a year when 9/11 happened.

Because my husband is in the military I knew in that moment our life would never be the same. The world had changed and I wondered how it would all play out in our personal lives.

The following year in April Darin received orders to go to Alaska. He served there 6 months before he was able to come home and see me.

A week before he came home to visit God showed me a picture of what Grace looks like.

In my mind I saw a girl who was terribly ill in a hospital room. She was hooked up to a morphine drip. Though you could see she was very ill she was sleeping as if nothing was wrong. Her face was filled with peace seemingly unaware of the state her physical body was in.

Also in this hospital room was her family. They were crying all huddled together in the corner just watching unable to do anything. Sobbing with deep sorrow.

In that moment the Lord spoke to me and said the girl who is sick gets the morphine “the grace” the family does not. This is why their grief is so great.

So fast forward to a week after God gave me the picture of grace..

Darin comes home to visit me. I was beyond excited to see him. I missed him so much. I had no idea what was about to hit me. Absolutely no clue.

No idea that I was about ready to get hooked up to some “morphine”.

What I did not know at the time was Darin had been talking with our Pastors, he had tried to get counsel way before I knew there was a problem. Our Pastors  they knew a little bit about what was going on in Darin’s heart and were praying but I knew nothing. I am grateful they never warned me and I will go into the reason later but believe it was very wise they did not get in the middle and “warn” me first.

So the next day….we stayed in Seattle at a friends house. In the morning, on the way to get breakfast, we to stop to get gas. Something happened at the gas station that irritated Darin and he said the “F” word. This was my first clue something was not quite right. If you knew Darin back then he never cussed. It had been such a struggle before he came to know Christ that he did not even like watching movies with cussing because it would be in his mind again.

So now, its several years later, I’m now his wife and he says the “F” word. Very alarming for me. We are in Seattle at a restaurant sitting outside because it was a beautiful day.  After we order our food I could tell something was wrong so I began pressing Darin to tell me what was up.

He said, “ I didn’t want to go into this right now but are you happy in our marriage?”

That one simple question began a series of events and struggles that has shaped who we are today. Darin and I both say we are grateful for the struggle. We have learned and are still learning just how Amazing God’s Grace is. It has been a treacherous road of unbearable sorrow for both of us but I will tell you God’s grace is just exactly like morphine.