God helped me see early on that it was important for me to remove unnecessary drama from my life. I needed to be fully present in Macy’s life and any extra drama would drain me of the energy I needed to fight for my marriage.
My Life
Since I was a single Mom for the first 2 years of Macy’s life and Darin was a full time student I needed to work to pay our bills which meant I needed day care. I went back to work about 3 weeks after Macy was born. Since I had my own business and could alternate my schedule I would have different people watch her. Basically, I had a small loving army help me. They all loved her so much and I thought if I have 4 consistent people help it wouldn’t be a big burden on any one person.
Another thing about my personality that is good for you to know is I love to go go go. That is one reason why I loved working and having my own business. I use to see how much I could cram into one day. I would fill my calendar up and start checking things off. I have always been like this. My Mom use to say when I was little that when we would be out and about all day long and arrive home in the drive way I would immediately say. “ I want to go somewhere, anywhere.” As an adult I was the same way. So I would get done working, pick up Macy where ever she was and we would go see my Mom, my sister, meet everyone for dinner, go shopping, whatever it was, I was constantly on the go.
Two things began to happen. When I would pick Macy up after work she would be so grouchy, just screaming in the car. Another thing that was creating stress was my schedule and Macy’s daycare schedule. Every week I had to figure out where she was going, which one of the 4 people would watch her. These two things above created tremendous drama.
How I Adjusted My Life
One day my Mom said, you know I think Macy just wants to have you all to herself. You have been gone all day and she just needs you. That was wisdom from God. So from that point on, I wasn’t legalistic about it, but I would pick Macy up and we would go home and spend time together, just her and I.
Another thing a friend helped me see is I needed to get one person to watch Macy. I needed to pay for full time day care even though I technically needed part time. I needed to find someone who did it full time so that there was always a spot for her. Macy was usually there 30 hours. The extra money I paid was well worth it. I got my sanity back and consistency is ALWAYS good for kids.
These two things cut out some of the drama in my life.
How I Adjusted it More
Another thing I did was refuse to talk to Darin about our relationship without a third party. Darin had not worked through many of his issues yet so he would say very hurtful things. That was drama I could not bare.
And More
I also talked to very few people about our issues. For the most part I talked with 2 friends, our Pastors and our Counselor. This is key. What happens when you talk to people especially if your situation is as bad as ours was you find that you have to defend yourself. You have to explain why you are standing in Faith and frankly it is nobody’s business. There were times when I felt as if I was at the front of the battle and I had one hand in front pushing the enemy back and one hand behind me pushing back those that were so worried about us, rightfully so. I did not have time to expend all my energy defending why I was standing in Faith. I had to focus my energy on fighting an enemy that was intent on destroying our family’s life.
People would ask me. How is Darin, How is it going and I would say, “keep praying for us and I’m believing for a miracle.” That was it for the most part.
This also cut out some of the drama.
Listen to This
The enemy wants to distract you and cause you to use up all your energy so that you cannot properly fight for your family. Ask God to help you see where the unnecessary drama is coming from and then do the necessary things to remove it.
I pray God gives you wisdom in this. Remember God is not a God that overwhelms us or a God of confusion and He will never throw a bunch of things on you that you need to change all at once. So ask Him what is one thing I need to change. Just one thing, change that one thing and see how it goes and then ask Him again. He is fully aware that you are carrying a very huge load and He wants to help you with it.
1 Peter 5:6-11
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be power for ever and ever. Amen.
Keep in mind it is not like I never went shopping again which along with eating out is one of my favorite things but I needed to go win a war.
You can do this now,
Jules