So I am so excited to be able to post this. I have wanted Darin to write his story since I started writing my blog but it just wasn’t time yet! I can’t even tell you how happy this makes me! I love him so much and so proud to be his wife!
Everything below is written by Darin
Hey Guys,
I read what you guys (those who are standing for their marriage) say and it moves me. We are all on a journey with God. Let me share little by little about my journey. First of all I’m a miracle in the eyes of many. I am in my eyes. I love my wife, I love my kids, I love Jesus, I care about myself. Not that long ago, I used to beg God to brainwash me. I used to plead with him. Brainwash me GOD, I hate myself. I want to love my wife, I can’t, I don’t. I’m Garbage and because of this I push away from all that is good. I look up to the heavens and I say God WTF! I did every thing you said. I did what you said! I was pure before you, I served you, I listened to the people I thought you put over me. I married this girl you told me to marry. Now this is what I get…I’m married and I HATE it. I’m faking this and I cant do it anymore. I’m pissed! I’m pissed at YOU, and I’m going to leave this life of following Christ.
All the while my poor wife had no idea what was going on in my head, spirit, soul, heart. Yet what was she suppose to think? Of course she says what happened to us? Why is this happening and what did I do?
I said to myself I need the answers to this thing I’m in. Why God, why? So I go to all the people who say they know God. I ask them deep waters, I ask them what I don’t know the answers to. The answers ranged from the ends of the earth… nobody really know my answers, and I began my tail spin for years to come. I start my run, my run to follow the sin that was going to medicate my emotional pain.
***to be continued***
I know a lot of people might have questions and my story might not resemble at all what you are or your spouse are going through but please allow me to share my story at my pace because its long and i never shared it publicly before. If you allow me to share i will probably answer a lot of questions.
Did you know it’s ok to have feelings? Its ok and proper to have emotions, good and bad. I was taught to burry my feelings, never trust your emotions, they will mislead you. You know I still experience good and bad feelings, emotions and thoughts. Yes sometimes things that are contrary to God’s word. In my past I was made to feel guilty for entertaining such things because they were not proper and I could be mislead. But what I was failed to be taught by man, is that God designed me and all my emotions. God taught me that instead of pushing my contrary feelings and emotions down deep; I bring them to him. BRING THEM TO HIM! Wow, this is a relationship now, between His word and prayer with him he can address all my emotions. I dont have to pretend anymore! Pretend to be godly. I have a true relationship with HIM. He can address all my emotions and he can now bring His Truth to address the LIES I believe. You know the emotions that are contrary to God’s word are only reflections of the lies we believe.