Sometimes I get emails from women who are fighting for their marriages just like I was. I just love reading their emails. It always increases my Faith.

This is Heather. I pray Heathers heart of Faith ignites faith in you and gives you the courage to keep your eyes focused on Jesus!

Thank you Heather for being willing to share your story!

Get Your Eyes Off Your Circumstances

“We think you ought to know dear brothers and sisters, about our trouble we went through in the province of Asia.  We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it.  In fact, we expected to die.  But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.”  2 Corinthians 1:8

I couldn’t do it anymore. The pain was unbearable. For four months I had done everything I was supposed to do, everything I felt God was telling me to, and things were not going the way I had hoped they would.

Since the day my husband said he was leaving, that he wanted out, I fought-for our marriage, for our daughter, for the future that I had always assumed would be there.  I repented, allowed God to show me my faults and quickly went about trying to show my husband that I had changed, or rather that God had changed me.  But while I was allowing God to veer me back onto the path He had laid out for me, my husband was going a completely different direction.  I was tired of being hurt, tired of crying, tired of being the only one that cared about us.

I began rationalizing with God this particular night after the last straw had been drawn.  “God,” I began, “I just can’t handle this, I don’t deserve it either!  I have tried Lord, and I think I have done all that I can.” It was time to stop the hurting.  I began walking through the house taking down pictures.  First, the black and white ones of our wedding day-a close up of his hand on my back, a Kodak shot of us cutting our cake. One by one I continued on to each family picture removing it, telling myself that removing the memories from the walls would make it easier, and not so painful.  Each photo showed a memory frozen in time-happiness, carefree smiles, love.  “It’s better this way,” I reassured myself.  I piled them all carefully in the almost empty closet that had once housed all of my husband’s belongings.

I sat down on the couch, worn out mentally and emotionally, recounting that evening’s events.  I felt the Lord stirring something in my soul, deep down, but didn’t know what it was.  Through what can only be divine intervention, as I Googled this and that on the web, I came upon a ministry called Rejoice Ministries.  There I discovered that there were women and men doing exactly what I had been doing for the last four months, and it actually had a name.  These “standers” were standing in the gap for their husbands and wives.  They were believing in a miracle, believing God’s promise that He is sovereign, and that He hates divorce. All these people believed that God could and would heal marriages. Everything that I had always felt deep in my heart, God showed me that I was not alone.  I felt that the Lord had led me to this sight to speak directly to me: “DO NOT GIVE UP!”

I cannot explain the supernatural touch from the Lord I felt, but I immediately thanked the Lord and committed to stand for my marriage regardless of what my husband’s actions and words were. For as long as it took. It was then I knew the plans the Lord had for me, and that I had been in His will the entire time.  I would never give up on my husband again. The Lord gave to me two messages: “Yes, you have done all you can, stop trying to do it in your own strength-give it to ME, this is MY battle.  Rely on me, and I will carry you.  You cannot do this on your own, nor were you ever meant to.”  The other truth He clearly spoke is this: “You are called by ME to love your husband.  Get your eyes off your circumstances and keep them on ME.  I have called you to love your husband as I love you-and that is UNconditionally.”

That evening was the last that I ever doubted I was doing what God had called me to.  I will not tell you that after that my circumstances changed and my husband came home.  But I can tell you that when you are in the will of our mighty Father the peace and joy that surpasses all understanding is there-filling up every square inch of your broken heart.  Every day that I place my hope and faith in Him-and I mean truly dying to your own will and really living for Him-He blesses beyond measure.

Later that same night I walked back through my house, carefully replacing each precious photograph back in its rightful spot. Instead of feeling pain I felt the promises God had for me.  And I walk by them each day, finding comfort in the Lord’s amazing sovereignty.  I trust now that His plans really are to prosper me, and not to harm me, I just have to be willing to allow Him to direct my steps.

“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good.  At just the right time (and that’s not necessarily my right time) we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” Galatians 6:9 NLT

“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” 1 Corinthians 13:7 NLT

Go back and read the first verse at the top.  Is that you, feeling as if you might just die from the pain?  Stop relying on yourself and have faith that He can and will handle this a lot better than you ever could! You can do this, bathe yourself in His word, speak it over your loved one, and don’t give up!

Proverbs 7: 1-5

My son, keep my words
and store up my commands within you.
Keep my commands and you will live;
guard my teachings as the apple of your eye.
Bind them on your fingers;
write them on the tablet of your heart.
Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,”
and to insight, “You are my relative.”
They will keep you from the adulterous woman,
from the wayward woman with her seductive words.

As an Aflac District Manager I trained many people. There is a saying that someone taught me that I would always tell people as I interviewed them and then I would remind them of it as I trained them. This was the saying:

You treat this like a hobby and it’s going to pay you like a hobby. You treat this like a business it’s going to pay you like a business.

The same principle applies to your marriage.

You treat fighting for your marriage like a hobby it will pay you like a hobby. You treat fighting for your marriage like a business, meaning you get up every day purposing in your heart to pursue righteousness, peace, and joy. Storing up God’s commands, guarding God’s teachings as the apple of your eye, and so on it will eventually pay huge!

Huge!

The agents that I trained, that treated their business like a hobby, did not last very long!

You’ve got to come to work everyday!

Take the time to read the entire chapter of Proverbs 7. It reminds me of the latter part of this post below that I wrote last year in February. It is an example of how I went to work fighting for my marriage everyday. If I would have treated fighting for my marriage like a hobby the Devil himself would have taken the Sims Family out!

Get that arrow out of my back! Dream #3

 Don’t get lazy!

 Julie

God helped me see early on that it was important for me to remove unnecessary drama from my life. I needed to be fully present in Macy’s life and any extra drama would drain me of the energy I needed to fight for my marriage.

My Life

Since I was a single Mom for the first 2 years of Macy’s life and Darin was a full time student I needed to work to pay our bills which meant I needed day care. I went back to work about 3 weeks after Macy was born. Since I had my own business and could alternate my schedule I would have different people watch her. Basically, I had a small loving army help me. They all loved her so much and I thought if I have 4 consistent people help it wouldn’t be a big burden on any one person.

Another thing about my personality that is good for you to know is I love to go go go. That is one reason why I loved working and having my own business. I use to see how much I could cram into one day. I would fill my calendar up and start checking things off. I have always been like this. My Mom use to say when I was little that when we would be out and about all day long and arrive home in the drive way I would immediately say. “ I want to go somewhere, anywhere.” As an adult I was the same way. So I would get done working, pick up Macy where ever she was and we would go see my Mom, my sister, meet everyone for dinner, go shopping, whatever it was, I was constantly on the go.

Two things began to happen. When I would pick Macy up after work she would be so grouchy, just screaming in the car. Another thing that was creating stress was my schedule and Macy’s daycare schedule. Every week I had to figure out where she was going, which one of the 4 people would watch her. These two things above created tremendous drama.

How I Adjusted My Life

One day my Mom said, you know I think Macy just wants to have you all to herself. You have been gone all day and she just needs you. That was wisdom from God. So from that point on, I wasn’t legalistic about it, but I would pick Macy up and we would go home and spend time together, just her and I.

Another thing a friend helped me see is I needed to get one person to watch Macy. I needed to pay for full time day care even though I technically needed part time. I needed to find someone who did it full time so that there was always a spot for her. Macy was usually there 30 hours. The extra money I paid was well worth it. I got my sanity back and consistency is ALWAYS good for kids.

These two things cut out some of the drama in my life.

 How I Adjusted it More

Another thing I did was refuse to talk to Darin about our relationship without a third party. Darin had not worked through many of his issues yet so he would say very hurtful things. That was drama I could not bare.

 And More

I also talked to very few people about our issues. For the most part I talked with 2 friends, our Pastors and our Counselor. This is key. What happens when you talk to people especially if your situation is as bad as ours was you find that you have to defend yourself. You have to explain why you are standing in Faith and frankly it is nobody’s business. There were times when I felt as if I was at the front of the battle and I had one hand in front pushing the enemy back and one hand behind me pushing back those that were so worried about us, rightfully so. I did not have time to expend all my energy defending why I was standing in Faith. I had to focus my energy on fighting an enemy that was intent on destroying our family’s life.

People would ask me. How is Darin, How is it going and I would say, “keep praying for us and I’m believing for a miracle.” That was it for the most part.

This also cut out some of the drama.

Listen to This

The enemy wants to distract you and cause you to use up all your energy so that you cannot properly fight for your family. Ask God to help you see where the unnecessary drama is coming from and then do the necessary things to remove it. 

I pray God gives you wisdom in this. Remember God is not a God that overwhelms us or a God of confusion and He will never throw a bunch of things on you that you need to change all at once. So ask Him what is one thing I need to change. Just one thing, change that one thing and see how it goes and then ask Him again. He is fully aware that you are carrying a very huge load and He wants to help you with it.

1 Peter 5:6-11

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be power for ever and ever. Amen.

Keep in mind it is not like I never went shopping again which along with eating out is one of my favorite things but I needed to go win a war.

You can do this now,

Jules

We live in a world that has embraced the saying

Do what feels good

The Bible says

Do what is good

Romans 12:21

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

We are praying that God will help you hear His voice, that wisdom will enter your heart, and you will have the courage to do what is good.

Jules

This phrase keeps coming to my mind…

Your Love is GREATER than my fear!

I John 4:18,19

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us.

As Darin and I went to sleep last night we prayed for all the families we know that are struggling by name. God’s love is greater than your fear! Whatever your fear is…He’s greater!

Jules

Before you read what I wrote below I want to tell you that Darin wasn’t totally on board with this post…He said immediately…that doesn’t sound like us… especially you Julie. It is true, for the most part, I wasn’t mean with my words. I have to give credit to my mom’s “nice” genes I inherited from her and God giving me amazing grace to see the bigger picture in our Marriage battle. I do remember telling Darin once that if I were him I wouldn’t walk outside because God might kill him for treating me so terrible but God did give me grace. In saying that I believe people use their words to inflict harm on those they love more than anything else.

The Bible says in James that the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

As I was driving around two days ago, these words below, started stirring in my heart. I explained to Darin that sometimes wives can be very mean and he said yes I know that but husbands can be very mean too!

Your husband does something

Well….

So completely ridiculous

it makes you want to lay into him

and let him have it

but you tell yourself to calm down

and not say anything

but then

he walks in the door

you see him and you just can’t hold it in

so you decide in that moment to

“tell him how you feel”

as you do this

he begins to defend himself

by giving you excuses

that no one else would believe

so you just can’t help yourself

you let him have it

because well…

he is being ridiculous

and

someone has to tell him

suddenly you notice

he stops talking

and just looks at you with a blank stare

and wont say anything

which makes you even more angry

well

according to the book “Love and Respect”

which we highly recommend

he just started shutting down

I use to think when Darin stopped talking I just won the argument

he saw it “my way”

but what I didn’t know is he started shutting down

closing off his heart

thats not good

thats not good at all

You know how he does something else really stupid

and this time you have just

had it

so again

you take the opportunity

to “tell him how you feel”

and again he gives you these insane excuses

so you feel compelled to lay into him

but this time you take it to a whole new level

you begin to tell him

that he is nothing but a piece of shit

you should have NEVER married him

and you and the kids would be better off without him

you know how you say that

Dont say that anymore

Don’t do that

 Praying!

Jules

Yesterday on the way to church we were discussing as a family how thankful we are for God’s goodness in our lives and started listing off everything we have to be thankful for. We often do this on our way to church.

Our life is such a miracle, its something you just don’t forget. I know they say there is always someone who has had it worse than you and I’m sure somehow that is true. But, I have yet to meet a couple that were as bad off as we were. That’s the truth!

I was remembering the days when I would drive to church with Darin. He was so disconnected to me and disconnected to God. I remember him being in church physically, just standing there. I would look at him from the platform as I led worship and could tell his heart was not there, something changed, something happened and I did not know how to get it back.

I also remember sitting in church and leaning down to pick up my Bible on the floor and accidently touching Darin’s arm and him flinching away from me. Like I would infect him with a virous. You just have no idea how completely frightening this is unless you have been there.

These memories make days like yesterday on the way to church and being at church together so crazy good…crazy crazy good!

This was the last song we sang in church yesterday, it is such a great song.  As we began to sing this song Darin grabbed my hand and held it like he would never ever let it go!

I want you to know that we are praying for you! Sometimes when you are walking through a very dark trial it is very difficult to know how to pray and you find you have no energy to pray. I get that because I was there! So we are praying for you. We are believing for you. We are petitioning God on behalf of your family. We are reminding God of His promises! Lean into Jesus today! It is Jesus, the one who heals, who can deliver you. Press into Him! Don’t worry about your spouse, leave them in God’s very capable hands!

Isaiah 12:2

“Surely God is my salvation;

I will trust and not be afraid.

The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song;

he has become my salvation.”

We love you!

Jules

 Psalm 1

Blessed is the man

who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked

or sit in the seat of the mockers.

But his delight is in the law or the Lord,

and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf DOES NOT WITHER

Whatever he does prospers.

Not so the wicked!

They are like chaff

that the wind blows away.

Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,

nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,

but the way of the wicked will perish.

I thought about this verse all day yesterday and woke up with it on my mind so I wanted to share it with all of you!

Praying!

Jules

Sometimes things

Terrible things are out of your grasp to change

And fix

You can do everything thing God is telling you to do

But

Even in doing all those things

Because of someone else’s choices

You find yourself on a train that is going very very fast

The wrong way

Or at least it feels like its headed the wrong way

And their is absolutely no possible way you can stop it

Because of this

You consider

Jumping off

Getting on a different train

Or just running away

Thinking you might avoid some of the pain

These verses

These two little verses

Kept me on the train

The train that from my vantage point

Was going

Absolutely the wrong way

These verses gave me the courage to

Sit my ass down

And not jump off

Proverbs 3:5,6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge Him,

and He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 28:10

He who leads the upright along an evil path

will fall into his own trap,

but the blameless will receive a good inheritance.

Please know we know this is not easy and that we are praying for you!

Jules

Proverbs 19:11a

A man’s wisdom gives him patience…

How true this verse is. So many times I would almost make a quick life altering decision because I was overcome by panic. Especially if I started thinking too far in the future. Like next week, next month, a year or even 10 years down the road.The thought of Macy being 14,15,and 16 wanting to date and possibly not having her Dad around to lay down the law sent arrows of fear into my heart. I wasn’t worried about the boys as much as I worried about Macy needing male attention and lets face it a Mom answering the door when a boy comes knockin’ looks a whole lot different than a Dad answering the door. I also think having a healthy fear of your Dad is a good thing. As a young girl, especially in Jr. High I wasn’t worried about what my Dad would do to the boys I liked, I was very concerned about what my Dad would think or feel about me and I didn’t want to disappoint him.

Years later as a mother it was God’s Word (His wisdom) that kept me from making decisions too quickly that were based in fear. It was God’s Word (His wisdom) that kept me walking one day at a time. It was God’s Word (His wisdom) that helped me keep my eyes on Jesus. You cannot fight this battle and even think about winning without reading God’s Word. It would be like going to war without any weapons! News Flash…if your married no matter how great your marriage is, good or bad, you are engaged in war! It doesn’t matter who you are.

Ask God for Patience

I can’t give you patience though I try

Your kids can’t give you patience though I know they would if they could

Your spouse certainly can’t help you with that but guess what God can

Wisdom brings patience

Just open it God’s Word read a chapter or just a verse and ask God  to speak to you

He will…I know He will

2 Corinthians 10:3-6

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

Come on now, what’s the rush!

Jules